I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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