what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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