he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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