i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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