Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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