That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
