There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
we're so committed to being not committed
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
