dude i'm inner monologue high
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
