Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
i need some magic done to my vagina
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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