Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
