im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
