I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Randomize
