I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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