He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Operation Purity has been aborted
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
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