God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
