Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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