is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
