wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
