I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
