Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
