that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize