my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
