I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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