I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
