She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
