A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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