if i can run in heels then i can drive
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
