I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
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how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
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