I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Randomize
