Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
