dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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