yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
