I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
