I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
