you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
