im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
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