yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
