3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
