My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
