My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
