Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Randomize
