Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
