oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
