I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
