u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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