i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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