the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
