he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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