You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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