come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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