I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
