They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
