I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
