Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
