i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
