I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
