hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
