My room smells like vodka and shame
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
