When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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