and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
