just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
