so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
