All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
