I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Randomize
