i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
