its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I didn't notice because vodka
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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