I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
