and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
