i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
